Wingin from the Womb

Typically this blog is dedicated to the criticism of Buffalo Wings and tales of frivolity from our youth (and other times when we were clearly "Too old for this shit"). But the TWBB crew have decided to dip into another pool of academia for which we are completely incapable: Child rearing. When my good friend and winger/poser blogger Andy Menchal announced to Milwaukee's wing squad that he was having a little boy, we were all touched. But it wasn't until our last wing experience, that I became completely taken with the whole thing. Andy had told me earlier that day that he was going to miss wing day for a ultrasound. Needless to say I was already emotionally charged about being a man down. He later informed me that he was in fact going to make it, bringing the mother of his child to be, and asked me if that was alright?? Bear in mind that normally you would have to report weeks in advance if you have a request of this nature, and then it has to be run through this entire bureaucratic entanglement. But I reminded Andy that he was also bringing another dude, a very little dude.

Being back in school I have actually been exposed to a number of pieces of literature on the topics of breastfeeding, child birthing, and other early mothering techniques. But I am frankly shocked to inform you, that I have not come across so much as a brochure on the effects pre-natal winging. Since we only have one baby to work with, some academics may refute this piece of research as conjecture, but I believe our findings will prove to be important. For our first test we visited Barnacle Buds (Now open in the winter months!). The team was myself, Menchal, Cortney, Lonnie, Big Mike (a new staple winger), and of course our guest who has yet to be named. Cortney informed me that we were actually at the point in her pregnancy (about 4-5 months) when their child could actually begin to taste foods. Despite my expertise, I was unaware of this fact. Never the less, this was perfect timing. The Buffalo wings to the adults were pretty good!! Though only offered in one variety on the menu, the staff allowed us to order them at various levels of spice. I think the chef took some creative license here, as no one batch of wings tasted quite like another. They were a solid unbreaded wing, and sauced heavily with a traditional Buffalo Sauce with an unconventional hint of sweetness. The mediums proved to be the best option. Not because the hots were too spicy, but because the medium I believe were probably the house recipe and best in flavor. As we discussed them, our new winger kicked in approval, and I'm not ashamed to say I was truly moved.

Totally unrelated (my typical transitional genius), we have discovered a top 5 level wing in Milwaukee. Leff's Luckytown in Wauwatosa satisfied a 10 man wing team early last month. We were unanimously enamored with their brand of "ass kickin" wing and pretty much every other flavor that they offered. The "Ass Kickin" (pictured above) was the hottest on the menu. While these were delicious, they are far too hot for one winger to take down an entire order without ruining his/her insides (and certainly the rest of the day). The wings are in fact breaded with a healthy amount of sauce and spice on the outside (a wing style highly favored by Adam Loeb). These will not disappoint. Major Goolsby.. Watch your back!!

Here's the wing-down!!

Barnacle Bud's

www.barnacle-buds.com

3.5/5 wings

1955 S Hilbert St
Milwaukee, WI 53207
(414) 481-9974

Leff's Lucky Town

www.leffs.com

4.5/5 WINGS!!!

7208 W State St
Milwaukee, WI 53213
(414) 258-9886

The Future Menchal

Callin it Right now: Astrophysicist or better!!

Trading Places

Hello all, I know its been quite a while, but my research in the winging to be had out here in Philly has actually been bearing some fruit.

First up - The Royal Tavern

This place has some wings that are absolutely fantastic. First I have to tell you about the place, now for everyone from Milwaukee I hope this description both offends and illuminates. Imagine a restaurant inhabited by people with a love of single speed bicycles, beards, irony, and both expensive and cheap varieties of beer. Also, imagine a menu consisting of somewhat interesting food items and a daily list of specials with clever ironic names. Let me guess, a little establishment called The Comet comes to mind. Now - and I don't want to blow anyone's mind too hard here - imagine that the food actually arrives in under an hour, and the said ironically named specials are quite tasty. That is The Royal Tavern in a nutshell.

Being in a luxury beer fueled adventurous mood I decided to order the sampler platter consisting of equal portions of the following flavors: buffalo, chipotle barbecue, and mango habanero. Let me tell you, all three flavors are amazing, even the barbecue. These wings come unbreaded and amply sauced without being sloppy. They also come with pickled daikon - an innovative substitute for the common celery garnish, carrots, and a sauce I was quite shocked to find out about. Get this, the brilliant kitchen staff managed to combine the two staple wing dipping sauces into one. These wings came with a Gorgonzola Ranch Sauce. Now I know this could be considered herecy by some wing purists, but seriously, you must try it. Oh and this is for Mr. Alonso, they sell pabst for $2 a bottle here, and its great lurking territory.

Final Rating: 4 out of 5 wings

Royal Tavern
937 East Passyunk Ave
Philadelphia, PA
215-389-6694

www.theroyaltavern.com

Return of the Wing!!!!!

So, it has been quite a long time since I have kept you informed about Milwaukee's wing establishments. Part of that is my laziness, I also have been absent for a few of the more recent wing days. I will say this about some of my recent winging, Big Alke's was shit, Magoo's is the jam, and there's no point in me even discussing my opinions on music (see Loeb's remarks about Beck below). This week, we tried a new spot called The Irish Pub. I know, the name makes one a bit suspect. According to those who got the tip on this place, they were rumored to have 25 cent wing day on Tuesday, which was true, but we were unable to get this deal. Apparently we had the right day, just not the right time. The 25 cent wings are available only from 3-6 with the purchase of a beer. Now, the beer purchase is not what caused us the problem. We all would have gladly indulged in a noon beer for cheap wings. Remember, we really don't have what some people might call a "normal" work day. Maybe Loeb, but I have my suspicions about what that kid does all day. I just know from years of experience a lot of errands are usually involved.

Enough rambling, and on to what you're really interested in. The Irish Pub had only one sauce option which was a Whiskey Buffalo Sauce. I liked that they didn't fuck around with other flavors that just wouldn't be any good. No BBQ, which I must say is the most difficult wing flavor to master, and no ill fated attempts coming from the Asian flavor palette. A proper BBQ wing is quite tasty, but there must be absolutely no margin for error. I can honestly say that 95% of wings with this sauce are either okay or garbage. But that 5% that get done right are spectacular. Anyway, since I obviously did not think I had done enough rambling thus far, lets get back on track here. The wings were amply sauced and lightly breaded, and started off pretty tasty. Good heat, good flavor, nice meaty wings. Unfortunately after about 4-3 wings (I should note none of us ate fewer than 7-8) they got kind of stale. The sauce got the wings a bit soggy. This was the downfall of this place. A properly prepared wing platter should stay tasty from the first wing to the last. All in all, not a bad wing not that great of a wing, definitely not one wing to rule them all. I do think they would be a great option with a happy hour beer on a Tuesday.

Rating: 3 out of 5 wings


The Irish Pub
124 N. Water Street
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
(414) 225-9400

Wingiam Ho's

This weeks wing day took an interesting turn. I was texting Silverman about where to wing and we were out of fresh ideas. He suggested Harry's Bar and Grill in Shorewood. Unsure of whether they have wings on the menu or not (We'll let you know as soon as we find out, we have been too lazy to further research this issue) I remember having seen a sign in front of William Ho's which happens to be across the street.



Here's a rundown of the mornings text communications:



Josh: We winging?



Eric: I can't today. Gotta wait for the internet guy to come between 1 and 3



Josh: Fuck man, make Purvis do it!



Silverman : Yes sir. But Lonnie can't. Where to??



Josh: Don't care, any ideas?



At this point I decide to just call Silverman, he suggests Harry's, and I tell him about the sign in front of William Ho's. I express some apprehension toward winging at a chinese joint, and Silverman declares: "That's our job man, the public needs to know." Point: Silverman.



We head to the spot and discover not only does this place have wings, but there is also a $6.95 linch buffet. If you know me and Silverman, you are aware that not getting the buffet was simply not an option. We sit down, and finally hear from Menchal who will be joining us this afternoon. Silverman decides that our best course of action is to order one order of wings for the table and we'll get the buffet. We wait about 10 minutes for Menchal, and decide the hell with being polite, we are going to start eating. I do have to admit that the impetus for such ungentlemanly behavior is that we saw an employee come out of the kitchen with a tub of skewered chicken and dump it into the skewered chicken buffet pan. At this moment Silverman simply declares: "That's our cue man." Point: Silverman



Menchal arrives about the time we are finishing our first round of china buffet. The wings arrive about 5 minutes later. The wings are pretty tasty, especially considering the location. The breading is a little heavy, but the sauce is not bad. It has a bit of a kick to it, and a pretty decent flavor. The wings were ample as well. The wings do not come with celery or any side sauces however. I found this a bit disappointing.

Ratings:

Wings: 2.5 out of 5 wings

Lunch Buffet: Suprisingly good, but I haven't developed a rating system for chinese buffet yet


William Ho's
3524 N. Oakland Avenue
Milwaukee, WI 53211
414-963-9781
www.williamhos.net

Public Wingemies

This week's wing day tale provides an answer to a very ridiculous question......How can Michael Mann possibly be connected with Wing Day?

Oddly enough, the fiasco he created almost ruined what has become my favorite weekly activity. If you haven't been keeping up with current events the film Public Enemies is filming here in Milwaukee. Well, one of the locations chosen just happens to be my apartment building. I had received notice that some areas of my block would not be available for resident parking so I park on a block I had understood to still be available. I wake up Wednesday morning unhappy that I have to work at 8 in the morning with Wing Day being the one reason I don't feel like shooting myself. I head over to where my car had been parked the night before. I see the spot I was sure my car had been in was no empty. Because of the fucking film shooting in my building my car had been towed. I had no way to get to MATC (South Campus, which is by the airport) for work, and my ability to even make Wing Day was now in jeopardy.

After a few calls I finally wrangle my roommate into giving me a ride to the impound lot, where I will now spend $150 and 2 hours dealing with getting my car liberated. While waiting for the slow semi-retards to get my car out of the lot I make some phone calls to my landlord and the production company who is responsible for said impound lot adventure. I finally get my first good news..... Universal Studios will be reimbursing me for the ticket and impound fees. I am now officially part of the budget for a major motion picture.

I get the car liberated and head over to Kelly's Bleachers for the day's wingery. I must say, they make a fairly good wing. No heavy breading (Silverman hates the heavy breading), decent sauce, and a very ample wing. The sauce was a decent classic buffalo style sauce, but in my not so humble opinion a little salty, and the hot were not as hot as I would have liked. On the plus side, the wings were huge and impressively meaty. Also, the whole Wing Day team was in attendance, and Hugh Masterson decided to join us. That fuck got nachos however, and despite my informing him that this was not nacho day, the man could not be convinced to deviate.

I left Kelly's satisfied with my wing experience, went to my office to get some work done, and then headed back to my apartment. Now, when I left this morning there were some trucks occupying the space cleared by the previous nights towing, but now my neighborhood was a fucking circus. I had no idea it took 100 people standing around to make a film. Only 10 people seemed to be working at any one time, everyone else appeared paid to look after things that weren't headed anywhere. There were also easily 300 people across the street camped out watching the whole ordeal. Keep in mind that Johnny Depp and Christian Bale are starring in the film, so I imagine they were camped out to see them. I also happen to live on the 1st floor, which I am informed is now a set for the film, so I can't even get from the door of the building to my apartment without having to go past at least a dozen people walking around talking on cell phones (maybe that is what film people do at work).

I head back outside to walk my dog Herman (who is a bit crazy) and unaware of this at the time, will finally get to exact a small bit of revenge for the morning's fiasco. I walk over to the curb to look at the crowd amassed across the street and a white Land Rover pulls up. I am maybe three feet away from this car when out steps Michael Mann himself. Being that my dog is a bit crazy, and is a bit stressed with all of the commotion, he decides this is a perfect time to start barking and freaking out. Yes, and I swear this is not bullshit, my dog decides to freak out at Micheal Mann, who looks at the crazy dog for a second, glares at me, and then heads over to a catering tent to grab a cup of coffee.

Later that night I got to see Mr. Mann again and I even got so see Johnny Depp. Turns out when he was coming in the building to shoot residents were told to clear the hallways, but we could leave the door to the apartment open. My roommate and I decided to hang out just inside the door to our apartment so we could catch a glimpse, and sure enough we got to see Johnny Depp waiting for the elevator to the apartment they were shooting in. He looked over at us, gave a quick wave, and that was it.

Overall Ratings

Kelly's Bleachers: 3 out of 5 wings

Johnny Depp: Good looking man in person, but shorter than I had thought

Michael Mann: He better get me my check with a quickness

Kelly's Bleachers
5218 W Bluemound Rd
Milwaukee, WI 53208
414.258.9837
www.kellysbleachers.net

Paltry Poultry

Being a holiday weekend and all, we decided to have an impromptu session on Memorial day. We chose this spot Water Buffalo on the recommendation of our buddy Max. The four regulars were there, and we also had our Chicago correspondent Sam in attendance. I arrived a bit late to see that Menchal and the gentle dipper were already seated. Being that this was a gorgeous day, I decided that sitting inside was just not going to cut it and did a little finagling to get us an outdoor table. The new table we got was fantastic. Out at the end of a row of seating overlooking the riverwalk and the Milwaukee river. As Silverman and Sam arrived we were all thinking that this wing day was most definitely starting off on the right foot. Eric, however, did not enjoy this new table much. He had some issues with the elements this fine afternoon. Somehow the wind managed to blow his drink over a couple of times. I'm not sure he really enjoys outdoor winging, but we all have have our things I guess.

We commenced the ordering, starting off with an order of breaded wings, and grilled wings, both with hot sauce. The options for method of preparation were a nice menu feature. The wings however were not all that impressive. The breaded wings were decent, and the breading was not too heavy. The sauce however was not horribly impressive. Classic "Red Hot" style flavor, but not as hot as I would have liked. The grilled wings were a similar experience. Additionally the wings were not all that ample. There was a severe lack of meat on some of the wings. As stated by Menchal "I can't even tell the difference between this (uneaten) wing, and the one you just finished." One very nice touch was the small bunch of red grapes included with the wings. After the appetizer of wings, we order the entree of, you guessed it, more wings. There was another round of the same, and an order of grilled wings with barbecue sauce. I'm not usually a fan of this flavor, but I do have to say, these were definitely the best wings of the afternoon.

Overall Rating: 2 out of 5 wings

Water Buffalo
waterbuffalomilwaukee.com
249 N. Water Street
Milwaukee, WI 53202
(414) 431-1133

I've also included an old review written before the blog was started. There was a tragedy in the formative weeks of wing day, and that was the departure of seasoned wingstraordinaire Toby Silverman. To ensure that he would be properly informed I would provide him a brief synopsis of that weeks wingery.

From May 7th, 2008

So, I know this is a bit late, but last week was a wing day for the ages. We had decided on this spot Wingz which is downtown. Turns out it is only open for lunch on Thursday and Friday, and then over the weekend. Also the phone number was disconnected making me wonder if the place was open at all. So upon figuring that out we head to bay view to go to rookies. Now, this place seems like a great sports bar which had the possibility of epic wings, but no, not open either. We then head to another sports bar Jerseys which is down a couple of blocks from Rookies.

Here is where it gets interesting, this place is actually open so we sit down and figure out what to order. This place has the most fucked up wing system known to man. It turns out they have only one type of wing you can order, and then a selection of sauces. Here's the lineup (to the best of my memory) Ranch, Spicy Ranch, Honey Mustard, Creamy Dill, Garlic something, and last but not least salsa and marinara. Now, before I continue, I need to clarify that the salsa and marinara sauce is one sauce. No, not salsa, and another option of marinara, but one little tub with salsa and marinara sauce mixed together. Silverman did not know this when he chose that option. Needless to say he regretted the decision. Another thing that warrants pointing out is that a couple of key sauces are missing, such as buffalo or barbecue for example. At any rate, the wings were absolute shit. And that salsa and marinara, easily the worst wing sauce ever invented.

Because of the disaster at Jerseys, we headed to Girabaldi to get some proper wings so the day would not become an absolute waste.

Side note: When leaving Girabaldi that afternoon, the bartender yelled to us (in a voice reminiscent of the manager in Major League) "Tell the boys at Jersey's we say thanks!!!"

This hell hole: 1 out of 5 wings (two steps away from inedible)

Jerseys Pub & Grill
4024 S Howell Ave
Milwaukee, WI 53207

When worlds collide

One of the fundamental ground rules of this blog is that all posts must in some way be related to winging. Due to some interesting circumstances that I will explain in a moment, I have a story related to wings that, although incredibly embarrassing and ridiculous, just cannot be kept from the public.



I spent my weekend up in Green Bay WI to see my friends Daniel and Kristin get married, and let me start by saying congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Fuhrmann.

I attended the rehearsal dinner on Friday night, and after the dinner and some celebration at the home of the bride's family I returned to the Howard Johnson to continue the celebration at the hotel bar Hanrahan's. Now, this bar is an Irish themed bar that apparently has a "ladies night" every Friday. Being that this bar is at a random hotel in the outskirts of GB, and that this area is known for some interesting inhabitants, "ladies night" was a bit of a half truth. There were in fact many people who were biologically female, however the term lady is not necessarily one I would use to describe the clientele of this establishment. I was the designated driver this evening so I hadn't gotten to celebrate properly this point, and I was in the mood to really tie one on (shocking) so I begin ordering glasses of vodka on ice. I do have to include a few details, mainly that drink prices at Hanrahan's are insanely cheap, and that being able to "put it on the room's tab" meant that I went from completely sober to unable to walk in under an hour.

It is now about 11:30 and I can have some serious hangovers so I decide to figure out how to get some food. Remember, I have a wedding to get to the next day and I don't want to be dry heaving and sweating all morning. This is what happens if I get too drunk and don't eat anything before passing out. Needless to say, there are no room service options at this particular HoJo. The bartender, affectionately nicknamed Tit-too (she had some really trashy ink on one of her breasts) tells me that Pizza Hut is the only place she can think of that delivers this late. I call said establishment, and order $15 worth of chicken wings ($10 minimum order policy). The person taking the order asks what room to have the food sent to, and I tell her to just send the delivery guy to the bar. I continue drinking, yelling about nothing and having some really interesting conversations with Tit-too. Here is how one priceless conversation went:

Tit-too: "So what do you do?"

Me: "I'm in graduate school to become a doctor!" (I may or may not have been trying to be slightly deceptive with this answer, she didn't look so bad at this point)

Tit-too: "What kind of doctor?"

Me: "An academic doctor, I study economics" (For those reading this who don't know me personally, this is actually true, really)

Tit-too: "What is that? What can you do for my son?"

Me: "Nothing!!!!"

After a few more minutes, and shots of whiskey, my order of wings arrives. I hand the delivery guy a $20 and I announce that I will be retiring to my room. Now, keep in mind that I am sharing this hotel room with my roommate Martin. He has definitely seen me at some of my lower points before, but what I'm about to tell you was able to shock even him. I make my way back to our room, sit down on the bed and start enjoying my order of wings. After maybe two or three wings I have a bit of an epiphany. I realize that I had made a crucial error when packing for this trip, and that the only pair of underwear I had was the pair that I was wearing. Martin is still at the bar, and I figure that I will be done with the wings, and passed out before he gets back. Keep in mind that the wings were delivered at about 12:45. Given my underwear situation, and the fact that I am severely intoxicated, I decide to enjoy these wings naked. Now the rationale for this is as follows; I figure that I can just sleep naked and save 8 hours of underwear use. Then I'll just wear them the next day and get to a wal-mart between the ceremony and reception to deal with this undergarment situation.

So, here I am completely hammered eating some chicken wings naked in a hotel room bed. I am under the covers at least. Well, being that my dexterity is a bit compromised, the eating of said wings is a bit more difficult than expected. Essentially, they are a bit slippery. I end up making an absolute mess of my self dropping wings on the bed repeatedly, and getting red buffalo sauce all over the white sheets on this hotel room bed. I also have wing sauce on my hands, face, and chest. Yes, I even managed to drop a wing on my chest while trying to eat.
I eat half of the order of wings, and decide its about time to get to sleep.

Here is where it really gets terrible. After making an absolute mess of myself, and getting wing sauce all over the sheets I get up to de-sauce myself before I inevitably pass out. Before I continue I do need to remind you of a couple of things;

1) I was completely naked while eating most of these wings
2) I am in front of the sink washing myself in a small hotel room that I am sharing with Martin (he is sleeping on the pull-out couch)
3) I am still naked while getting myself cleaned up
4) Martin is not back from the Honrahan's yet

As I am sure you can imagine, this is quite the recipe for disaster. I am just finishing
the job of getting myself cleaned up and I hear Martin fumbling with the lock. Since he is pretty hammered at this point as well, the fumbling bought me an extra half second or so. Just as Martin is entering the hotel room I make a mad dash for the bed. Martin walks in the room just in time to witness me butt naked, in mid-air diving back into the bed. His first question is why the fuck I am naked, at which point I have to explain my underwear situation, and at that point I have explain the series of events that have led up to this very embarrassing display.


The moral of this story: when drunk and naked, please don't wing and dive.